Trishanku

Caught between what He could be and what He is

In a struggle that is akin to a indefinite muscle spasm

Unclear on the pursuit of SvaDharma 

Embracing a life time worth of Introspection

On a Sunday afternoon a Trishanku sat down to pen his thoughts

An Arjuna he could become or a Karna?

For the glamour and the valour

A Harishchandra for a principle that is not worth it?

An Yudhistira who is going to be strangled between ambition and righteousness

A King as foolish as Sibi or A prince as adamant as Suyodhana?

Deepest Desires in the darkest corners of the soul must be overcome

Pleasure and Joy pulling and pushing in opposite directions

Action and Introspection are the only true companions in Trishanku's journey

Will the cocoon be broken from within or without?

A buttery fly to emerge or the raw material for a silk saree to be worn by someone?

 

Reality and Reason assert themselves on humankind

Yet every Trishanku seeks to defy or ignore them

So, let go of all Dogma said an inner voice

The day is Young and the game is fresh

Play! Play! Play! Oh Trishanku, Play! Play! Play!

Play! Play! Play! Oh Trishanku, Play! Play! Play!

Beyond

 

On the peak of the great cliff of desire, I sat all alone and asked What next?

Is it going to be one more round of jumping from here and coming back all the way up?

When will I ascend the mountain of contentment, I wondered.

Or swim in the deep waters of bliss where no desires seem to exist

What path should I take from here? I kept asking myself as the night dawned.

I looked up at the sky and gazed at the beautiful dark night and basked in the glory of the stars

I looked down and watched the huge sea waves tirelessly hitting the shore again and again

And then I wondered if I was actually sitting on the great cliff of desire or was I somewhere else?

If it were not the great cliff of desire, Why did Siddartha take the huge leap to become Buddha?

Now it's magic started getting deeper into my heart and my gratitude multiplied more than ever

Home seems a long long long miles away but this is where I wanted to stay

May be I will search here for the tree of gratitude and eat its fruits to my hearts content

And then will I have the energy to jump, unprotected, unmindful and take the leap? Just like Siddartha!

 

Ashes

 I fell down a thousand times beaten and broken

 I rose from the ashes a thousand times as if there was no pain

 Like the cockroach that refuses to die

 Like the eagle that patiently waits before swooping down on its prey

 Like the Phoenix whose birth lies in its death

 Like the quintessential human defined by his resilience

I slept a thousand nights dreaming of damsels in their majesty and splendour

I woke up a thousand mornings to the smell of coffee and daily mundane chores

I travelled in my mind across the beautiful mountains, lakes and into the fairy lands of wonder like a wander lust

I swept through galaxies that created us and went past the gods and goddesses created by us

I zoomed into the atom and explored its naked beauty in my solitude

And then I fell down once again beaten and broken

I broke the rules I created for me

I made journeys that were never meant for me

I kept looking into my soul through every night and day

I won hearts all along the way; and in a jiffy gambled them away

In a world that mistakes familiarity as understanding, the only thing I know is I do not know

In a world that confuses with knowing the name and knowing, I know nothing at all

What is Life? I asked a thousand times

What is Bliss? I asked a thousand times

What is Purpose? I asked a thousand times

I fell down all the thousand times

And then I rose from the ashes a thousand times to ask once again

Broken Heart

 Broken heart is all I have for I leant that the world is not Hogwarts

 Broken heart is all I have for too long I had  my values stacked backwards

 Walk alone Walk alone Oh Ye with broken heart! Walk alone

  If they cross your path, smile at them

  If they ask for your food, share it with them

  If they ask for your smile, give it to them

  If they want to tarry along for a while, humour them

  If they promise eternity;  run away once for all

  Walk alone Walk alone Oh Ye with broken heart! Walk alone

  All is Well that ends well, said Shakespeare

  All the way alone, once you are shaken and learn to care

  Terrifying loneliness staring yet you? do not despair

  Terrible pity in their eyes? do not despise or stare

  Yes, you are right; All broken hearts need mending and repair

  But dearest friend, remember the story of the tortoise and hare

  Therefore, Oh Ye with broken heart! Walk alone and be aware

Lust

All I have is Lust

All I have is Lust

You ask me, "How dare?"

I ask you, "What do you care?"

I fend for myself in a world that I have abandoned 

I tend to my wounds in a world that is heartless

I will speak when my time will come

I will know when my heart will heal

I shall not hide the ugliness of my naked self

I shall not abandon the helpless child within

I shall not be afraid of the injustice I resent deep inside my being 

My Lust is an unquenchable thirst I must carry through the unknown

As I pass my days until redemption

I  build my home brick by brick; brick by brick; brick by brick

For Love to honour my humble home again

Until then, I wear my Lust on my sleeve

For what else is Left in a Life bereft of Love?

All I have is Lust and I refuse to apologise

Gandhi in Me

Unable to sleep, rolling on the bed I waited for the morning to dawn

And here goes the story as my mind went for a rewind

One day a woman stabbed me from behind

One day a woman stabbed me from behind

I wished the wound was fatal 

Yet I survived just like a mortal

But what surprised me was me

I lived on but my hatred didn't

I searched not for the person but for the circumstance

I chose not revenge but justice

I shall give not but Love

That is how I chose to Live

My perpetrator taught me my Dharma

How empowered I was amidst the drama

Now, I must be the change that I want to see

And that is how I found the Gandhi in Me

Abandoned

In the middle of the night, on the side of the road
Thrashed to the ground, smashed face with blood and dirt spilled all around
I lay abandoned

They took away my possessions, and my wealth
Stabbed me from behind, punched me in the gut
Stole my dignity and left me to rot
I lay abandoned

Semyonichs all along the way in this wretched world
I refuse to become Aksionov
Semyonichs all along the way in this wretched world
I refuse to become Aksionov

In the middle of the night, on the side of the road

I lay abandoned

When they were thirsty, I gave them water

When they needed food, I shared mine

When it was time for shelter, I opened the doors of my home

When they asked for my dignity, I refused to oblige

Semyonichs all along the way in this wretched world
I refuse to become Aksionov

In the middle of the night, on the side of the road

I lay abandoned

Betrayed today but not forever

Beaten today but not forever

Pauper today but not forever

My indomitable spirit is my wealth

You can take my body and break it into a thousand pieces

You shall not touch my soul

Beaten but not cowed down

Semyonich! Oh Semyonich!

Today is yours. Take it. 

But I refuse to become Aksionov

Abandoned. Yes. Defeated? Never!

Night and Day

As the clock ticked its way into the night

my loneliness bluntly staring at my plight

I waited for yet another day to go out of my sight

And the night started whispering in my ear

Oh! What a pity to see you suffer my dear

How will you survive me is my fear

Nasty thing, poor Life is

Hastily, it left you as my prisoner

Boast not my friend, I have humbled every human

Tasty little beast you are

I shall have you for supper every day

I will set you free at dawn but you must return always

I will tease you with my naked beauty 

I will torture you with infinite melancholy

I will teach you your vacuum

My embrace is an inescapable iron cage

Only Death can deliver you freedom

Until then be my guest every night

You can never abandon me

and I can never stop kissing you

I am your eternal lover

As night was talking to me thus

I dozed off and eventually slept

It was morning when I woke up

I know not from where my energy sprang up

Even as I was beginning to wake up

The dawn took its turn to reach out

Hey little one, How are you doing?

I am your mother, well-wisher and coffee giver

Just get up and start your day

Vacuum, Melancholy and Despair

Let them all kill you a thousand times 

Once I come, you must become alive

I will fill your vacuum with hope

Your melancholy with music

And paint your despair with colours

The night is strong and definite

But I am gentle and jubilant

Caring, courageous and joyful 

My touch is irresistibly awakening

Only death can steal you from me 

Until then I am your eternal friend and companion 

A letter to the Damsel

In the middle of the night as my heart aches and all I seek is some words to talk to you
Yet all I get is some tears from my moist eyes for I don't know where to find you
Damsel of my dreams, my heart is broken my soul is wounded and torn but trust me my Love is not gone.
I have no form of you, I have no name for you but all night I want to talk to you
Every night my semen dries up in the inner wear; Every morning alarm rings up to prepare for the daily chore
Between the two, some where lies my heart always waiting for you

I dreamt of you in all those beautiful actresses I first fell in Love with
I dreamt of you in all those beautiful edifices I built for you in the realms of my imagination
I think of you in every beautiful girl that passes by me and yet I know you are not reachable
All I asked was an ounce of a respect; And I ended up with a stab in the back
My heart is bleeding, there is no one to nurse my back now for it is broken
But Damsel of my heart, my Love is still intact.
It will only grow by the day till it reaches you but will you be able to take it?

Winter has come and the leaves of my tree have all been shedded
Winter has come and I lay all alone barren.
But don't worry, my spirit is not broken. I will grow it leaf by leaf and bear fruit by fruit
In the hope that one day when you find me, I can offer you all that I have

Damsel of my dreams, my search for you will not end, my love for you will not reduce
I know that I may never find you. But every letter that I write for you is in lieu of the countless nights I want to sleep with you and kiss you. And hug you and cry sleeping on your lap till I dissolve in you.

Violence

I haunt you every day and tempt you to wield me
The identity that you seek
The fear that you harbor
The anger that you hold deep in your bosom
All bring you to me for I am their only refuge
Do you have the courage to go past me?

Every easy way out from the banality of Life, you resort to me
You deploy me through your words and actions only on your loved ones
For what is Love? The ability to inflict me upon some one without guilt
So, ask yourself what is Love? Do you have the courage to embrace Love bereft of me?

I am fear finally manifesting and taking birth
I am the true testimony of survival instinct
Can you go past me? I challenge you!
Can you go past me and walk the path of Buddha?
Go ahead and try it out.

Non-violence is not cowardice
Non-violence is having the courage to inflict me but choosing not to do so
It takes more will power to win over me than you thought
I am your weakest self talking to you

Learning to Live in Loneliness

I was all alone and all I had was solitude
I am all alone today and yet I am lonely
I keep wondering what happened to my solitude.
Solitude was so splendid - me, my thoughts and myself.
Loneliness is a haunted feeling - today I am just an unwanted being.

Why was I so careless?
What crime did I commit?
I keep asking again and again.
I have no one to answer my question except me

I wake up in the middle of the night and I know I am alone
My stupid poetry is all I have for company
I do not seek sympathy for it hurts more
I do not wish to take solace in self-pity for it is dangerous to the core

I was having a lovely time when I was in solitude
I am just a lonely zombie today bereft of gratitude
I pass my days for I have nothing else to do
Waiting for Life to give me a chance to start everything new

Dead Life

I died long ago, yet I tread the earth like the living
I died long ago, hence I tread the earth un-willing
In the awareness that I am a dust of the dust of the dust of the star dust
In the understanding that it doesn't matter whether I am alive or dead

I am a liberated soul but my mind is a bonded slave.
I don't know if it is called vairagya but am sure it is sleeping with the devil
I have given up all sense of morality for it exists only in the mind
I have given up all fighting for it exists only for the living
I exist because I don't know how to cease
I exist because I don't have yet any fatal disease

The world runs around money and I got disenchanted
The world runs on selfishness and I got entagled
There exists only the jungle law and I am the hunter and the hunted
How long should I run? I am tired, yet I run for I don't know how to stop

I died long ago, yet I tread the earth like the living
I died long ago, hence I tread the earth un-willing

Who cares? I questioned and none seems to be the answer

Who dares? I questioned and none seems to be the answer

Who lives? I questioned and none seem to be the answer

Why struggle? I questioned and don't know is the answer

The rat race is on, the circus goes on, the ring master is unknown

No one knows why they do what they do yet every one thinks they are true

I want to shout and tell them, none of us matter.

But you know what, the truth is salted water.

No one wants the truth

No one wants love

That's all I have to give

They may not want it but that is what they need.

Hence, the universe asked me to live

Suicide

One moment too hard
One moment too painful
One moment unbearable
One moment tearing your soul
If only you could just hold on!

One moment when all strength drained out
One moment when all hope lost in storm
One moment when all faith gone with the dust
One moment when everything seems to be lost
If only you could just hold on!

The days that filled your heart with pain
The events that lead you to this dreadful decision
The people that drove you to desperation
Only your heart knows it all;
Only you can endure that thorn strewn path
If only you could just hold on!

We are not here forever!
How can our problems over last us?
Talk to a friend or a stranger; listen to a song
Take a stroll; meet the sea;
Read a poem; take a break; go to a temple. Why not?
Do whatever you want
But if only you could just hold on!

May be it will be solved; may be it will not
May be you have to live with it forever
May be the days will be better or gloomier
May be it's winter ahead or spring coming
But surely it would be worth it to have held on
Just one more moment - if only you could just hold on!

Dreamer and Seeker

Through the emptiness of my existence
And the quenching of my thirst
Through the beastliness of my lust
And the benevolence of my love
I am a dreamer and a seeker

Through the insignificance of my action
And the importance of my inaction
Through all the sins deep inside my being
And the good acts that went out to the world
I am a dreamer and a seeker

Through all the castles built in air
And the huts built on earth
Through all the love I gave in vain
And the undeserving love I got in pain
I am a dreamer and a seeker

A heart which takes me is what I dream
A dent before I leave is what I seek
A life of Love is what I dream
A world of Work is what I seek

We are all the same inside

Inspired from the Telugu poem  "Brahmam Okkate Parabrahmam Okkate"  by Sri Tallapaka Annamacharyulu learnt during school days.

We are all the same inside
Pizza or Pickled Rice - it's the same hunger
Foam Bed or Bare Floor - it's the same sleep
Money or No Money - all are humans

Sun doesn't know the colour of our skin
Rain doesn't know the caste created by us
Fire doesn't discriminate us based on religion
Air doesn't change its nature based on intellect

Propelled by Greed,Corrupted by Power
Maddened by Lust, Wounded by Anger
Distanced by Ego, Maligned by Jealousy
It is We who created the differences

A shoulder to lean in times of difficulty
A word of encouragement when you need it the most
A helping hand when going gets tough
A light hearted joke to cheer up the day
All of us need the same things

Birth has brought us into this World
Death will definitely deliver its verdict
What We do in between will define us
We are all the same inside

Where does God exist?

Who are You? I asked, Where do You reside?
Some say You are a tenant in the temple
Some tell me You can be found in church
Some others say You must be residing in a mosque
Some other people are busy trying to prove that You don't exist
But, I can feel You day in and day out
I hear You in the beat of my heart
Are You a figment of my imagination? Or real?
Whom should I believe? Them or myself?

I dwell in the hearts of Men, He answered
For, that is the last place they search for Me
Close your eyes and you can see Me
Help your neighbour to feed Me
Ask your heart, and I shall answer
Why do you search everywhere? I am always with you!
And, What is there in a name?
That is about Language and not Me

Living Life

I have dwelled on things both beautiful and ugly

I have lived life both dull and lively

I have done things both righteous and sinful

I have had days both stupid and meaningful.

I passed through times both miserable and blissful

I learned through means both tough and cheerful

I made others lives both dark and bright

I took things both hard and light

I have in me the men both fearful and bold

I have relationships both warm and cold.

I held beliefs both passionately and loosely

I worked for causes both noble and dirty

But what matters is I live life humanly

The Journey and The Companion

Rest not my friend for the day is still young
Rest not my dear for the journey has just begun
Despair not my friend though the road is all uphill
Despair not my dear for Sai is with you all through

When the mid day sun has drained the last quantum of energy out of you
He shall come as the cool shade to your tired body
When the dark night binds your eyes and you can't take a step forward
He shall shine in the skies like the full bright moon and guide you through


He is the first sip of the sweet water to your parched throat
He is the first gush of warmth from the cosy blanket to your cold body.
He is the cool breeze sweeping past you in the spring season
He is the last droplet on the blade of grass drying up on a winter morning

Don't Go Too Fast

Don't go too fast my friend; don't go too fast

Life is too short to go so fast and too precious to take it down in a single gulp

Pause a while and hold your breath to seek your existence

Don't go too fast my friend; don't go too fast

Pause a while to look around and see the beautiful flowers

Pause a while to look up the sky and see the magnificent sun shine

Pause a while to cherish the twilight moon

Don't go too fast my friend; don't go too fast

Work we must to earn the right to live

Work we must to the cherish the gifts of life

But we have lost ourselves in work that we forgot its purpose

Pause a while to love your neighbour; pause a while to cherish your existence

Don't go too fast my friend; don't go too fast.

Wake Up

Oh Ye! thee that seeketh the fleeting!
Wake up for thee bringeth thine own doom.
Seek Him, the only solace of thy craving soul.
Ask Him not for thy trifle desires;
For He holdeth in His bosom the Bliss of Eternity
Seek His unison and thou shall defy birth and death
Wake up and make haste lest thou shall lose sight of Him
Hold on and leave not His hand lest thou remain imprisoned in the world
Give all thy worries unto Him and drink His nectarine Love.